I grew up in the other America- the impoverished one whose children are physical, emotional, and sexual fodder for anyone who cares to feed upon them. From my earliest memories until now, I am haunted by an unbroken chain of abuses, humiliations, and degradation visited as a matter of course on the poor by our institutions and by individuals who know they can victimize the “Other America” with impunity. In the past few years, after sustaining a serious head injury, this changed from memory to living nightmares. My days are shaped by unpredictable intrusions- actual reliving these moments in full technicolor- that can come any time and carry a burden of grief and rage hard to describe fully. I see teachers, police, church leaders, all manner of people that come out of my memories unbidden. I relive their grabbing hands, the terrifying placidity of the sadist’s face before they molest, steal, lie, humiliate…. Imagine being in a conference discussing the fine details of data analytics while reliving being molested by two police officers- and trying to hide the fact that this is happening from your co-workers. A living hell I can hardly do justice to….
Working and functioning with these ghosts has grown harder and harder since they became living intrusions. I’ve increasingly turned to ultimately self-destructive self-medication through alcohol, not for its own sake but for the oblivion it provides from the memories… and from the resulting awareness of the daily ongoing horrors that occur all around us, to our fellow citizens as America continues to consume its impoverished Young. In my search for something to interrupt this cycle of hopeless and helpless grief, I came across this program. Through the kindness of Dr. Fleming I was persuaded to try the his neuro program to attempt to shake my brain function up and interrupt the pattern of grief-rage-drinking-grief-rage-drinking. As a sceptic, I admit the approach of his seemed odd- such a little thing to effect a big change. I had massive changes in my sleep and emotional cycles within 48 hours of beginning. Since, my thinking has become clearer and staying “off the sauce” has seemed like a choice I can make calmly, with feeling “driven” by my emotions. The memories are still there, and they inform my sense of what is going on in the world. But, for the first time in a long time, I feel able to make choices about it from a place of calm. Sometimes what we need is a kickstart, a bounded event that demarcates before and after- and this has certainly been one for me. I recommend trying Dr. Fleming & his work if you’re stuck in an equally pervasive cycle as I was.